When dreams change...

I had that dream once.

Thought I would change the world.

Thought I'd grow up and do something big--something great.

I get it, mama. I do.

I get how hard it is to find your big purpose when the dishes are piled in the sink, and soccer practice conflicts with the church event, and dinner is PB&J again because you forgot to thaw the meat in time, and there just isn't time for much world changing.

I've been there, friend.

I've been one who has punched the clock, 9 to 5 and sometimes 6 or 7, because there's always work to be done, and the bills need to be paid, and you take what you can get in these economic times. I've woken up to the alarm and dreaded the day of working to live and not living to work, but put in the time anyway because we don't all get to change the world with a big dream.

I've felt that feeling of drowning in nothingness. Of feeling like I'm never going to make the difference because I'm shackled to the daily grind--the never ending "day in and day out".

And I've known the deep yearning to do something. Something of value, of huge change, of dreams coming true. I've felt it. Daily.

I've felt the disappointment at seeing others changing lives, following their hearts, and living their dreams and wondered what in the world am I really doing?

I love being a wife and mama. Love seeing my husband's and baby's beautiful faces each day. They make my world go round.

But, I have heard that voice whisper often, "What difference are you really making? Lots of people are wives and mothers and workers. Nothing you do will change the world."

And it stings. Because what tangible change have I made?

What will I leave behind when my days are past? What dreams will I have actually fulfilled?

I struggle with the earthly hope of being someone special--someone who makes a difference--all the while knowing that God has called me to this place called here. This place called now.

I have been called to be present. To be the reflection of Christ to this world I'm in. To my husband, to my child, my friends and family. This is living the dream.

And that, I am learning, is enough.

I am enough.

Me, with the crazy, messy hair, the t-shirt covered in spit-up and spaghetti sauce, and jeans with the knees worn from playing and praying on the floor.

Me, with the atrocious grammar, the simple degree, and the pitiful bank account.

Me--Mama, Wife, and Worker.

I may never change the course of history. May never be known for a great accomplishment. May never make a big difference. May never have my name recognized beyond my family and friends.

But I want to be able to stand before my God and say I did my best to show His love, grace, and mercy in my little corner of life--in the daily grind.

So, my dreams of being a world-changer have changed.

Today, I will fulfill the most glorious dream of being a child of the Living God and find the beauty in the calling to be present where He has placed me.

And maybe, just maybe, in setting my dreams beyond this world and living for the next, I may find that I have changed the course of history...that I will have made a difference in the realm beyond. Be it only in showing His light and love to those I come in contact with or that in pressing closer to the Father, others might be encouraged to do the same.

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

Colossians 3:1-4

So, yes, my dreams have changed.

And being wife, mama, worker, and worshipper? Those are the stuff dreams--real dreams, present dreams--are made of because He has given them to me.

Because what I do here, though it be simple and mundane, can make all the difference in the world beyond.